It's just a job

Was reading taqi's post today. Kinda weird innit? But I guess we were right to worry during university, because that degree would eventually shape our future. But then again, I know at least one guy who didn't finish his degree, and he seems to be doing great. A lot of successful people don't have degrees. A lot of them never even went through secondary school. And people say that your degree is useful only for your first job anyway (most of the time at least). So I don't know. Maybe at that time, it seemed like if we didn't get a degree, we'd be fucked for life. Anyway, I always say 'It's just a job'. It's not like it's the end of the world.Your life shouldn't be about your job. Your job is supposed to revolve around your life. It's supposed to help you get money and shit so you can live your life. If work starts eating into your personal time and space, you might want to start thinking about another job.

Also on the subject of work, I once had a discussion with another buddy about whether one should get a job that's also their hobby. You know, like if programming is your hobby, then would you want a job as a programmer? There was a discussion about this on Slashdot a while back. Me, I think it'd be a matter of time before your 'job/hobby' turns into 'merely another chore'. I think it'd be better to get a hobby that is different from your work. Or maybe get a job that is a bit different than your hobby. However, I wouldn't want a job that I know outright is boring or tedious simply because it isn't my hobby. You still want your work to be enjoyable, but be able to come home and do something else to take your mind off work. But that's just my opinion.

Work
\Work\ (w[^u]rk), n. :

 An occasional side effect of having a job.

Baaaad mojo.

There's this McD I frequent often. I just love having my DoubleCheese and Sprite before I get on the LRT back home (if I'm not hitching a ride with Akak - Akak is a colleague of mine, she's like our big sister at the office) or back to my Aunt's place. A couple of months ago, my Aunt asked me to sleep over at her house, since Imran (that's her kid) would be home alone, seeing as everyone would be someplace else. And my buddy and I happened to have some night class during that month somewhere near my Aunt's place. So for about a month I'm travelling to her house after work, and on the way I stop by that McD's to get my dose of Double Cheese.

So I'm at that McD's 'most every other day, and I'm doing my thing, being friendly to the people there and shit, right? At one point, they start asking me my name, where I'm from, you know, getting to know me kinda thing, see?

I notice this one girl, I'll call her Farrah, since that was the name I noticed on her name tag. She's really pretty looking, beautiful dark brown round eyes, silky smooth and fair skin,lovely full lips, tall, and she's sweet, and very friendly. And she's got the sweetest smile, perfect pearly whites far as I can tell. So we talk a bit. Just small talk, you know?

So I've been going there for more about a month, on and off, then I stop going for about a month and a half. My class trainer was overseas, so class was cancelled for a while. So it's been a month and a half, and I happen to go to that McD again. The moment I step through the doors, there's that girl again, going "Hi Fadhil!" and waving at me and I'm all "Oh, shit, I can't even remember her name". So I saunter over to the counter. There's three counters, the left and right ones have people queueing up, and the middle one is closed, right? So I'm waiting behind the lady in the left queue, while eyeing the other queue so I can dart into whichever counter is vacant first. While I'm waiting, I see the girl heading towards the middle counter. I peek at her name tag again. Farrah. I told myself I'll never forget that name again. Farrah. What a lovely name.

So Farrah is at the middle counter, and she asks me "What will you have, Fadhil?". So I ask for my regular; Double Cheese and a Sprite. I reach back for my wallet, and she says "No, no. It's ok. This one's on me". Wow. I was taken aback. "Are you sure?". Farrah says it's okay. She flashes me a smile. I thank her. Then I make a little joke "Next time it's on me, eh?". The smile again. And I head downstairs to enjoy my heart disease in the making.

As I dig in to my free burger, I'm thinking "Gee, that was awfully nice of her". Then a thought that only a man can think crossed my mind, "could she be interested in me?". Well she was being really nice to me. She did remember my name after nearly a month after seeing me there. And it's not like I'm the only guy at a McD. These are people who have served billions of burgers worldwide.

So while I'm thinking this, I figure I got a good excuse to ask her out, since technically she treated me to dinner that day. I devise my plan. I planned to come over again the following week, and tell her exactly that. I'm gonna say that since she basically already treated me to a meal, I'd like to treat her to lunch. Hopefully find out more about her in the process. Pleased with myself, I finish my meal (oh how great food tastes when it's free) and head home (I was supposed to have class, but it was cancelled because the trainer wasn't feeling to well. It didn't matter, because I was too elated, my head was in the clouds thinking about Farrah).

The next day on the way to work I tell Akak about it, and ask her what she makes of it. She tells me I shouldn't be too carried away. Akak said that she might've done that as a form of marketing. She might be right. She says I shouldn't be expecting too much, and to be cautious about the whole thing, lest I be left heartbroken. I agreed with her. But I guess I was adamant. "By this time next week, I'll ask her out" I say to myself.

So the next week (this was last week), I went to that Micky Dee's twice. Once she wasn't there, and the other time she was having some sort of meeting with the managers or something. She waved at me, I waved at her, but that was about it. I didn't want to interrupt her with the other managers. It would've been rude. No matter. I'm a patient man. I've waited 24 years to have a relationship, what's another week?.

Today, my buddy calls up our trainer, and he says we got class today at 8. Yeay! I can go to McD again today. Today'll be the day I ask her out. I'm getting giddy and excited with the prospect of a date with Farrah. (FYI, if this worked out, it'd be my third date in 24 years). Akak's words recurred in my mind though. I realized that it might not work out the way I want it to. But fuck it. If I don't do it now, I never will.

So I'm at the counter again, some girl is getting my order; Double Cheese and a Sprite. Farrah sees me. She walks over and while the other girl is getting my meal, we make some small talk. "How're you?". "I"m fine, and you?". She's asking me about work and stuff.

Then she asks me for my number. Wow you say? You wanna know why she wants my number? She wanted my number, because she wanted to invite me to her wedding in June! Fuck me. Now my mind is reeling. Reality spinning out of control. I hadn't prepared for this! This wasn't supposed to happen! I was expecting I'd ask her out, and she'd say "Hmmm, I'll have to think about it". Here she is telling me she's getting married in 3 months.

Irony is when the chick at McDonald's you wanted to ask out on a date asks you for your number so she can invite you to her wedding.

I play surprised and excited for her. "Wow, that's great! Who's the lucky guy? Sure I'll come, just give me a call". I write down my number on a piece of paper she gave me. I pay for my meal, and head downstairs. My hands are shaking. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, I've only ever met her over the counter at McD, but I'm devastated. I sms Akak, tell her about it. I guess I should've listened to her.

Earlier tonight, I was chatting with Taqi, told him about it too. That's when I realize that this isn't the first time this sort of thing happened to me. There was this girl in University that I used to talk to. We only got to know each other in her 3rd year I think. She was really really nice. Soft spoken, tall, and smart, sweet, the works. I always wanted to just tell her that I sorta liked her, but everytime I went up to her to talk, it'd be something like "Hi! How was class? How're you? How's your family? Oh yeah? That's nice. Ok. Bye!". Every fucking time. A little over a year later, at our graduation, I decide to tell her, right? The whole ceremony is over, people are congratulating each other, parents bragging about their kids to other parents. And I see her. I'm about to approach her. To tell her, finally, how I feel. But I see she's with her mother. I think "Maybe I'll wait till tonight. At the convo fair. I'll tell her then. For real".

That night, at the fair, I see one of her friends (her friend knows I like her. She even told me many time before to just go out and tell her. But I never did). So I tell her "I'm going to tell her tonight". Then she's all "err....oh no, I thought you knew".
I ask her "What?".
She says "She's getting engaged tomorrow".

Crap.

It's like someone threw a hex on my ass. Like I've got bad mojo with women or something. I fall in love too fast. And then find out they're getting married tomorrow. The next time this kind of shit happens, I'm gonna go mandi bunga.

I was listening to DEFCON Radio yesterday, and there was this stand up comic act. He was talking about how he has plenty of girlfriends. Not "girlfriends", but friends who happen to be women. He says they always say "You're so sweet and nice. I wish I had a boyfriend just like you, but not you". That's what I feel like right now.

I told my friends and cousins about it. They told me don't worry, somebody will come my way. I suppose they're right. I guess you don't always get what you want when you want it.

In our IM session, Taqi and I were talking about how Malaysians aren't really all that big on the love thing. It doesn't work like in the movies, he said, where you can just go up to a girl and tell her you love her and everybody will be supportive about it. You'd have to make the rounds, the parents, aunts, uncles, cousins. If everyone gives you the thumbs up, then you get things working. Otherwise, you find someone else who fits your family's expectations. If she fits, you'll probably end up marrying her, even if you don't really love her that much at the time. I guess this way, we'd try to make it work out, to keep the rest of the family happy. Or something like that.

Lost of people find love after marriage.
But only a few find marriage after love.

And today, my love found marriage. It's just that it's not me she's getting married to.

Shit happens

It did.