Success is a journey

A friend of mine, iceroll i shall name him, for that is what he is called in the land of bits and bytes, used to always tell me whenever I seemed in a hurry "apa yang ko dapat kalau takat kejar beberapa saat?" (loosely translated, it would sound something like this: "why the rush? what do you hope to achieve with the few seconds you gain?". I'd always agree and think "he's right" and slow down, and take my time. It may sound like laziness or procrastination, but today, at the Masjid Jamek Putra/Star interchange, I think I saw something that put real meaning to his advice.
There I was, just got off of the Putra LRT, heading for the escalator upwards to get to the STAR LRT station. I stick to the left side of the escalator, because that's where you're supposed to stand to allow people who are in a rush to pass by on the right. So I'm observing these people, all oblivious to what's going on around them, focused instead on blazing up the escalator and seemingly intent on making it on time for a train they don't even know is there yet. Maybe that's what the rat race is; scurrying about trying to make it in time for some business meeting or whatever.

Anyway, I'm just taking my own sweet time, watching these people some of whom are starting to sweat from all the running around. It's only 8.30 and already they're sweating. I'm already late (work starts at 8.30) but I don't fret it. The worst that can happen is that the bosses see me as inefficient and tardy that they'll fire me. It's not like it's the end of the world as we know it. So as I step off the escalator, I light up a cigarrette and head to the STAR LRT station (it's only a few steps away, but I figure I'll walk slowly so I can finish up half the ciggie).

My cancer stick is halfway through, so I throw it away and go straight for the ticket counter, get myself a ticket, and start another excalator trip up to the STAR platform. When I get to the top, lo and behold! it's the very same people who ran past me on the escalator in the Putra station, waiting for the very same train that I was gonna be waiting for. Now, why were they running again in the first place? Oh yeah, so they could get to the train in time. But wait, I'm here, I seem to be in time for the train? What gives? Amusing isn't it?

I think I've seen this more than once with people driving cars. You know, you're driving and there's this guy in front of you doing something like 90 maybe 100 km/h and you think "damn, this motherfucker is sooooo slow. I'm gonna just overtake him and get where I want to go faster." So you do. You get on the fast lane and speed up, leaving said motherfucker in the dust. But a couple kilometres down the road, there's a traffic light that turns red. So you slow down and stop. You're waiting for the light to turn green and you notice something in your rearview mirror. It's that slow motherfucker. He's just taking his time, and just as he draws nearer to you, the light turns green, and the motherfucker doesn't even have to stop. You're just getting into first gear, and this motherfucker is alread ahead of you. Makes you think doesn't it. I bet it's happened to you a couple of times too, huh?

I guess the lesson is that maybe we shouldn't be in a hurry all the time. Take your time, soak in life. Enjoy it. Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running. Don't go chasing trains you don't even know are there.

Karma Chameleon

I'm a shapeshifter. A chameleon.

My friend noticed me looking at a reflection of his monitor today. I was checking out his screen, seeing what he was up to. I've been doing that for a while, just a quick glance at the reflection, see what's going on. Today; busted.

So I was thinking about that, my stealing glances at his monitor. I wondered to myself why I did that. For some people it might be just curiosity. As for myself, I think there's a few other ingredients mixed in there. At first I figured it's because I'm a chameleon, checking out what my colleague is doing and do that; if he's working, then I should work, if he slacks off, I slack off. A karma chameleon, changing my mood and personality according to the mood and characteristics of the people around me. I've been a karma chameleon for as long as I can remember. Even my friends notice that I can be different people around different crowds. They've even said to me "We don't know you. We don't really know who you are. Who are you?". I don't know really. Maybe I'm just being myself, but we all know that's like saying a cat is being feline; that's what it's supposed to be.

Thing is, as I'm writing this thing, I start to wonder, is that really the reason why I was doing it? Because I'm trying to assess the overall atmosphere and adapt my lazy ass to it? I suppose that might be part of the reason, since that is after all human nature, or at least that's what this doctor thinks.

I think I care too much about what people will think about me, about whether they may see my actions as fit or acceptable. I care too much that people should accept me into their lives that I forget to live mine. Or do I? Abrupt end.

Just be yourself

Ever have someone tell you to "be yourself"? Ever wondered what that means; "being yourself"? I know I have. I've thought about it, and thought about it some more. And the conclusion I can come up with regarding that phrase is that it's utter bullshit. How do you "be yourself"? Come to think of it; who are you really?

Think really hard about all the relationships you have or had; those with your parents, your buddies in school, your college buddies, your colleagues, your boss, your teachers, kids, strangers in the park, your neighbors. Think about them real hard and then try to differentiate the myriad 'you's you've been in those various relationships. The shit you talk about with your friends rarely, if ever, come up in conversations with your parents. To your grandparents you're sweet little children, but hit the park with your college mates and you turn into sex craved monsters, whistling at anything in a skirt that walks past. 'Fucker' and 'Asshole' are words you might use on your childhood buddy, but nary a curse is to be heard when you're with your girlfriend.

What I'm trying to say is that in all those cases, you are 'you'. And if you suddenly do a 180 and start cursing at your parents, choose to be quiet and reserved where you would usually be raising hell, start being nice to the guy who used to bully you in school; you're still 'you'. Just that you've decided to change the 'you' that you are. Nobody can tell you to 'be yourself', simply because you already are 'yourself'. You just can't be anymore 'yourself' than you already are. I'm not sure I can explain it in a clearer way. Maybe this'll help.

John: Hey Bob, there's that girl I like. What do I say? What do I do?
Bob: Just be yourself, John.
John: What the fuck Bob!? I am 'myself' and 'myself' doesn't know what the fuck to say. Which is why I'm asking you. Dumbass.

I reread this entire post, and now I'm not sure I'm even making sense.
But the point is this:

We should all just stop saying 'be yourself' and let people be whatever the hell they want to be, because they already are 'themselves'.

Dammit, it's back up again.

I was thinking about writing something in this blog today, but just couldn't think of anything to write, so I figured I'd just go to sleep and think about it tomorrow. I click on the sign out link, and this error pops up saying "couldn't connect to blogspot" or whatever. Yeay! A good reason to NOT update my blog, since the site seems to be down. Just to be sure, I instant message my colleague. Sure enough, blogspot seems to be unavailable. I mention to my colleague how unfortunate that was since I was *just* about to update my blog when the connection went down (he'd been asking me when I'd update it, so I guess this time I could say it wasn't my fault, and that I'd do it tomorow).

Then what do you suppose happens? It gets back up. The fucking internet connection, just as I was about to call it a day and go to sleep, is up and running again. So my buddy says "hey, dude, it's back online, now you can update your blog." I find myself telling him that I still can't seem to connect to it and that maybe I'll do it tomorrow. Talk about procrastinating. I've been procrastinating on almost everything for the past month or so. I've got this project I was supposed to have finished up at work sometime last week; I'll do it by the end of this week. Supposed to have registered for my new IC; it's a holiday this weekend, maybe I'll do it the week after. Shit like that. What's going on here? Where's this pattern leading? I'll tell you where it's leading. Down, that's where. If I keep this up, by the middle of next year I'll be so bogged up in backdated shit, that I'll never be able to do anything in time for the rest of my life.

I need to do something about that. And I need start somewhere. Sleep seems to me like a good place to start. It's already 2.40 am now. I can't put it off any longer, lest I spend the rest of the day tomorrow looking like a zombie. Yep, no more procrastinating for me. From now on, I will get off my lazy ass and do stuff when I'm supposed to do it. But first I'm gonna go have a smoke, which I was supposed to have quit doing 3 weeks ago.

This is my first time. Be gentle.

Hello. I'm new at this, so don't burn me just yet. I enjoy reading blogs and I've thought about having my own blog more than a couple of times, but never actually followed through. Recently however, a number of incidents and discussions that went on in the office where I work opened my eyes and let me see things from an angle I've never seen from. Maybe some of you who read this blog may have already realized and learnt from your own experience a lot of the stuff that I want to say. But I suppose someone somewhere might read my blog and think "Wow, I never thought of it that way", which to me would mean that this blog has served the purpose that I intended it for; as a machine for communicating my personal take on stuff that may happen to anyone. Now that I mention it, I'd like to include a disclaimer here, stating that as far as humanly possible, the views and comments that I make in my writings are my own and do not reflect in any way the views or comments of the company that I work for, my friends, or my family.

In any case, I hope this will grow to be an interesting blog. I hope you'll like it. And more importantly, I hope I'll like it.